Movie Review: I Am Number Four
Who am I to write a movie review of this action drama sci-fi movie? Huh. Fine.
I guess I’ll have to prove it to you, you merciless critics critiquing a critic himself. And because you asked for it, I’ll do this in bullet points. Numbered bullet points goddamnit!
- Avid Sci-Fi Fan – Right from childhood I’ve been a true science fiction fan. I’ve consumed movies, cartoons, websites and comics in the right proportion of each, full of scientific blabbery and futuristic dollywop to pass off as ‘fiction’, and laced with my own inherent geek-dom, I have become a true sci-fi fan. Also, I love Star Wars and hate Star Trek (thoo), making me even more awesome.
- Pyrotechnic Connoisseur – You got that right. I love seeing shit blown up. Warped into un-warpable-dimensions. Melted into a mangled mongoose of a mess. You see, it takes a lot to appreciate these things. To understand the subtle differences between a yellow flame and a yellow flame. And I, with my nose pointed straight up, am one of the very few to know that difference.
- Ability to Weather the Worst – I’ve seen the movie Tashan, first-day first-show, and walked out alive. Enough said.
Before you come back with your numbered list of counter-attacks, let me proceed with a review of the movie “I Am Number Four”.
So what do you think happens in the end?
Action and Romance
Here’s a secret. Trade secret. All, and I mean all, action scenes are in the trailer:
For a sci-fi fan (please see declaration earlier), I was left asking for more. I wanted more gun fights, more flinging-people-around, more Lumen shoomen and more bang.
(I will say this, however, that the ending slow-motion scene and long bassline while John shoots his Lumen at the Mogadorian commander, all this in a movie theatre was just mind-blowingly awesome!)
So. There wasn’t enough bada boom. Why? Because it replaced with stoofid romance. And long pauses. And corner-of-the-eye moments.
With such a pertinent question, you tend to nose around more. And realize what’s behind this movie. It’s based on a book (of the same name), which is in turn part of a series (and a book deal). And that book is marketed at 13-year old teens who’ve wasted their time reading the Twilight books. And will, henceforth, waste their time reading the Number saga.
You could say that their days are numbered.
There’s some great computer graphics out there, some moments of awesomeness. But overall, there’s mediocre acting and overzealous romantic crap. And in the end even the Caramelized Popcorn can’t get you out of this trouble.
4 out of 10.
*Hat Tip* Social Wavelength for the tickets to watch this show!