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The Three Laws of Sales and Discounts

3rd February, 2009

Since the winter season seems to be over (ridiculous and corny t-shirt messages are back), almost all malls and shops are on a major advertising blitzkrieg selling the only thing they can sell: SALES!

The number percentages are just pinching me – 10% in this shop (how cheap!), 20% in the next shop (how rude!), no no 30% at that big “value” chain (dont even bother), even a 50% at the luxury outlet (but its not what you want). Makes you feel really good – for once someone is sucking up to you!! Customer is King. (Kind of reminds of Tom & Jerry – where Tom would be sulking in one corner with a “Dunce” cap!)

But if you look closely, study it a bit, you might just notice ..

The Three Laws of Sales and Discounts

  1. A sale may not benefit a customer or, through discounts, allow a customer to reap any benefit.
  2. A sale should maximize the discount percentage, except when such a measure conflicts with the First Law.
  3. A sale must be on old, unused, stale and/or defective items, as long as it does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

These laws have a great history behind them. After being used (or rather misused) blatantly, one fine gentleman Isaac Lasimov decided on one fine day that a sale must never be for the customer’s good – and so formulated the First Law. He was the first to realize that all that mattered was profits – something that his descendants, many centuries later, would use as an excuse to give loans to those who couldn’t afford it.

It was then that Barry Lotter, his disciple, felt that the First Law didn’t provide enough “operational cover” for a sale to work. So he added incentives to make the fluff fluffier. Much like this disciples descendants, many centuries later, who mixed loans with good ratings and loans with bad ratings, so that the fluff was fluffier. And thus the Second Law was born.

It was only 20 years later, that Farvind Ladiga went through some accounting details and saw that his sale didn’t really work. He felt that his old inventory was still there – collecting dust. So he put them up for sale – thus forming the Third Law of Sales and Discounts.

The problem started when none of his descendants followed that – nobody put up old gone-case loans for sale. Bad. Very Very Bad.

The Climax

Things are as they are now, all because we never followed the Third Law. Recession was brought about by the Third Law. Terrorism was brought about by the Third Law.

But we can fix this problem. Lets start this initiative right at home, where you can help by duping the person right next to you. Earn your profit. There! You’ve just helped the economy!

Let us take a pledge that we will work hard and spread this knowledge of sales – the true art of deception – and save the economy!

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