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The Daily Diary of Dudley the Dog

31st March, 2012

This is just horrible. I’m pacing around my bed, mulling what to do. Why does this happen to me every morning?

Goddamnit, I need to pee!


Dad is still not awake. It’s a little rude to wake him up in the morning, but I invariably end up doing that everyday. So why should today be any different? I go upto his bed, put my muzzle in his blanket, push around, and finally smell his face. You know what works best? I cough at his face. Of course, I need to be wagging my tail otherwise this would backfire.

His hand starts patting me and he starts talking some sweet words. I persist. This is an emergency Dad! After a few minutes he sits upright, slides his feet into his slippers and gets ready for a walk.

The Morning Walk

The sky turns a pale blue as the sun breaks, while I jump into the back of the car. Dad rolls down the window half-way and sputters the car into action. As it lunges forward, a swarm of sultry smells fill my nose and tingles my inner guts. Gosh, a lovely feeling!

The next moment a chain is put on my neck and we enter the gate to the park. I’m really excited, not because there are ants and bees and plants and trees, but because of her.


She stays somewhere nearby our house, I can smell that, but I only get to meet her at the park every morning. What a beauty! You should just see her golden hair, her silky ears and perfectly shaped muzzle. She walks with grace and doesn’t throw an attitude, a true Retriever.

We’ve been going out for a while, chasing each other in this never-ending garden. I still remember when I first approached her –

(In a sultry voice) “Hey … You know why you’d suit me best?”

“Huh? Why?”

“Because you’ve got my coat.”

Both of barked and rolled on the grass blissfully unaware of our owners. Agreed, I had to face a lot of stares at home, but that moment was totally worth it.

Anyways, in today’s walk I didn’t get to see her. Sad. But that’s fine. Left my mark on all the trees on our trail, and a thorough job at that!

Back at Home

I was really tired. Dad had walked an extra section (must have been hauled up for his paunch yesterday) and I had to bear the brunt. I went straight for my corner spot between the bookshelves to just snuggle but Kiddo had different plans.

Kiddo was always running late, whether it’s getting ready or eating breakfast, and mostly because of me. Today he was talking something serious to me, lying flat on the floor, nose-to-nose. Of course I couldn’t resist and tried to lick his face but he always swerved in time.

He rushed away to school and Dad and Mom sat down to have breakfast. I know I’m a good dog, obedient and all, but why do they punish at breakfast time?

The entire house was smelling of freshly sautéed sausages and crispy french fries. And bread, oh GAWD, the bread! They pull out apples and oranges and keep it on tables just beyond my view. Pity these humans think that if it’s out of our sight it’s out of our mind. Damn I love apple. I love it I love it I love it.

So I go to Mom. She’s the nice one, easy to work on. I plonk my paw on her legs. They get brushed off. I tilt my head and roll my eyes, and stare deep into her soul. She looks at me. Then looks away busying herself with things. Then looks at me. She barks some instructions to Chotu (I like him, he’s new) and I immediately rush to my breakfast table.

Voila! Freshly cut apple on my own bowl! Wowalapooza!

Of course, they finish before I even started on them, so I go back to Mom. This time Dad intervenes and I realize I’ve taken it too far. I stroll back to my corner spot amongst the learned books and settle in for a smug morning nap. (It’s the only time I get to myself). Dad and Mom give me a tight hug and leave me with Chotu, who busies himself doing things around the house.

Kiddo Returns

The house livens up when Kiddo returns from school. He’s a young kid, so I know I can’t do anything when he starts prodding my teeth and blowing air into my whiskers. It disturbs my sense of orientation, but I like it because it makes me feel as if I’m running on an empty field. Anyways, he then takes me out to the backyard and throws a ball he found from nowhere.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy! FUN!

The moment I spot a ball I’m on high alert. Time slows down, the entire world blacks out except for that green scruffy ball. Kiddo flings it high up in the air and I strain my neck to look in that direction. Bah! Simple catch.

Come on Kiddo, I’m waaayyy better than that! I’m the best retriever out there!

After a good half-an-hour of jumping, catching and crashing against boxes we retire back to the house. I love Kiddo, he’s a lot of fun. I sit by him while he scribbles on some books, within arms reach so I can get a scratch from time to time. He moves to another room, sits on a bean bag and stares at the wall. I follow him and in slow and subtle movements put my muzzle on his thighs. I look straight into his eyes. He gives me a tight hug.

The Evening Walk

Then Chotu gives me my evening grub and takes me out for a walk. It’s a little embarrassing but my tail just doesn’t stop wagging. I give a sheepish look, almost red from inside. We walk outside the house and encounter a bunch of uncouth idiots. Filthy dogs, I tell you. They don’t have a bath, their coat stinks, they eat garbage and leave a ruckus once they’re done. If I was their Dad I would have just spanked them and set them straight.

Of course, I pee so much that all the poles forget they even knew those idiots. Take that!

Anyways, we take a turn to the small park and the moment I put my paw inside I smelled him.

That rascal Roofus.

I barked and barked and I just barked, straining through the tightened leash. Bloody low-life mongrel! What audacity! You know once I could smell him on Shyla. He had been flirting with her, behind my back. A mongrel flirting with a Retriever! I want to just bite his bloody neck off.

I saw Chotu paying attention to some other girl and realized that this was my chance. I pulled hard enough for him to let go.

The hot humid air swept behind my back as I lurched forward towards Roofus. Coward. He made a run for it and I starting following his tail. Through the bushes, the sharp turns, splashing through puddles of mud and avoiding Chotu who was chasing me as well. I was getting closer and closer.

He wasn’t a good runner, you know, and you could see his fat flabs swing wildly as he jumped from corner to corner. Cocky running style, useless breed. I made my last lunge at him to tackle him to the ground when I heard:

“DUDLEY! Come here, right NOW!”


I stopped in my tracks. I hung my face down low, moved in slow steps towards Dad. Behind my back I could hear Roofus making fun of me, but I ignored him. Dad didn’t even look at me in the eye, and I was put inside the car. I just hope they forgive me. I’m an obedient dog, I really am.

When I walked inside our home gate, I was stopped at my tracks. Chotu came with a large towel and scrubbed me for a while. I know this was a bad moment, but damn that felt good! Hehe! It was tingling me, I couldn’t stop laughing. Weeeee. Oh god this was fun! And he scratched my bottom, oohh yeaahh. As if they had a life of their own, my legs started scratching my stomach! But wait, I’ve got to come back to reality.

I walked inside, hung my head down low, and went straight for my learned corner. How I wish I could tell Dad about Roofus and what he had done. It was not my fault. Why do I always get blamed?

The lights of the house switched off and I grumbled myself to sleep.

Shyla, when will we be together?

24 Comments leave one →
  1. prachi permalink
    31st March, 2012 4:11 PM

    louve it 😀

    • 31st March, 2012 5:08 PM

      I just talked to Dudley and he says thanks!

  2. shubhamprakash permalink
    31st March, 2012 7:37 PM

    Impressive boy.. Our dear ‘Cookie’ says thanks for communicating a day of his kind..
    I had often heard that word called empathy.. Today I know what it means 🙂

    • 31st March, 2012 11:47 PM

      Aaawww .. Cookie! Give him a bite of one, will ya! Thanks for the kind words saar!

  3. tangyorangesour permalink
    1st April, 2012 12:00 AM

    I felt asleep halfway 😛

    • 1st April, 2012 7:27 AM

      I know I know it’s a long-ish article. 1500 words at that!

      Next time sir, I’ll have an interval in between for your popcorn break :).

  4. 1st April, 2012 1:21 AM

    You should buy a “Wren and Martin” for Dudley, so that he can learn to write a precis.
    What is up with Bangalore poeple? One wants to become a cow and one is getting dogs to write guest posts.

    • 1st April, 2012 7:29 AM

      Grammar was that bad eh? Havings to be the doings thats these days. Why not you understanding? Doggie life battar than this cow-u cow-u. Please to be the knowings thats.

    • 1st April, 2012 11:13 PM

      We like the dogs, the cows and animals in general. Some other places have too many humans actually trying to be animals


    • 1st April, 2012 11:24 PM

      Ooohh .. ouch! That was a #burrnnnnn!

  5. Swetha Swaminathan permalink
    1st April, 2012 2:01 AM

    Loved it!! =)

    • 1st April, 2012 7:43 AM

      Dudley barks and tilts his butt while wagging his tail. In other words, “Thanks!”

  6. Pallavi permalink
    1st April, 2012 8:43 AM

    Brilliant!!! completely loved it 🙂

  7. 7th April, 2012 3:40 PM

    So, so, so much fun! Like all doggie posts, this makes me wish we had a dog. But we have cats. Not that they aren’t loving, but you know, they always choose the softer end of the chair to sit on. Sigh.
    But I digress. This was a SUPER piece. 😀

    • 8th April, 2012 12:42 AM

      Oh you the cat types. Hmm. Well, umm, so, you know. Ya. Like that.

      Yanyways, thanks a lot ji! Loving your posts as well!

  8. 9th April, 2012 12:31 PM

    Aww.. I love Dudley!! Nice post!!

    But I wish Shyla had a better name! Shyla sounds like the kaamwali bai’s name 😉

    • 9th April, 2012 1:20 PM

      Thank you Metherebel. Dudley also says thanks 🙂

      Haha, Shyla the Kaamwali Bai! Incidentally I asked another dog-lover to name this character (her house has 5 dogs) and she chose this! Who am I to go against this motion? 😀

    • 9th April, 2012 3:22 PM

      I hope your friend hasn’t named one of her dogs as Shyla! I have a friend who has named her dog Rinku 🙂 I keep telling her that the dog would want to kill himself every time she goes Rinnnkuu 😉

    • 23rd April, 2012 2:42 AM

      Well, let’s leave it at this: her dog’s names were in that league 🙂

  9. 1st May, 2012 1:13 PM

    I was trying to wag my tail to show my approval but my drippy tongue came out instead. Man, such a mess!

    And you deserve a crispy bacon for this post.

    Woof! Woof!

    • 2nd May, 2012 9:37 AM

      Hehehe! What a sloth!

      And thank you, we should all woof to that!

  10. 10th May, 2012 12:51 AM

    Oh.. that was sweet!!! Loved it 🙂

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